NFL Week 5 Takeaways: Broncos Are Embarrassing In Every Way Imaginable

Our contribution to the national pastime of reacting — and overreacting — to everything that happened on Sunday afternoons in the NFL. Be sure to check out Mike Tanier’s Walkthrough first thing Monday morning. But, for now, an unhinged look at all things Sunday… 

The Things That Warmed Our Hearts

The Steelers, Uh, Find a Way: They got bullied at the line of scrimmage, and the offense might as well kneeldown any time George Pickens doesn't get single coverage. And yet... they got quite a bit of help from the Ravens’ mistake-prone receiving corps, but Mike Tomlin’s team once again defied logic in coming away with a victory.

Jags Turn a Corner, Probably: Offensively they were better — though still not great — in the red zone, where Trevor Lawrence looked 38% more comfortable. Defensively they threw a lot of disguises at Josh Allen (the Bills' Josh Allen, not their own Josh Allen) and kept the QB juuuuust off-balance enough to escape London with an upset victory. 

Turns Out Ja’Marr Chase Is Open All the Time: Except for that one time the Cardinals had him well-covered. The Bengals did a nice job scheming Chase open on a day when Tee Higgins was unavailable, though better protection and a healthier Joe Burrow played a big role in Chase’s fifty-catch day. (Wait, only fifteen? Well, it felt like fifty.)

Desmond Ridder. Better.: Probably the best game of his short career, and the Falcons needed every bit of it to hold off the upstart Texans. For the first time this season, this Atlanta offense operated as if they have two top-eight picks among their passing-game weapons.

Rams Welcome Back Cooper Kupp: By throwing him approximately 78 passes in the first half.

Shane Steichen: I’m going to say what no one else has the courage to say: Shane Steichen is a better coach than Jeff Saturday. Probably. In a week when Indy lost Anthony Richardson again, the Colts once again showed a level of problem-solving that was simply not there a year ago.

A Nimble Joe Burrow: In relative terms. He’s not quite his vintage self, but on Sunday Burrow moved as well as he has all season. Though the fact that the Bengals offensive line finally got the better of an opposing pass rush certainly helped.

Nathaniel Hackett: He’ll never get actual vindication, because the front office so quickly and aggressively threw him under the bus last season (seriously, where is Jerry Rosburg this season, how have the Broncos not rehired him!). But he walked into Denver with Zach Wilson, dialed up a number of schematic wins on the ground and through the air, and withstood two huge mistakes by his young quarterback in a revenge-game double-digit victory.

The Things We Regret

Sean Payton’s Broncos: The defense doesn’t tackle anyone. The offense is a combination of screens and swing passes along with the most poorly designed passing concepts imaginable, wholly reliant on the quarterback scrambling while officials ignore multiple holds. How ownership can go forward with this coach and GM is simply unfathomable. Nathaniel Hackett did far more with Zach Wilson in Denver than Payton has done with Russell Wilson so far. And the Broncos lost a game — by double digits! — in which they benefited from the Jets’ three-point clock-management error, a deflected interception caught between Patrick Surtain’s knees, and nine Jets penalties (while quite a few blatant Broncos holds went uncalled). This is XFL-level professional football.

Ravens Receivers When the Ball Hits Them in the Hands: In the tight red zone, Rashod Bateman had as bad a drop as you’ll see from a professional football player. (Mark Andrews also had an end-zone drop, but it was at least a challenging ball thrown high and hot.) Poor, poor Nelson Agholor let a long touchdown go through his hands. Zay Flowers had a couple of problematic drops, though one was thrown behind him (it was still quite catchable) and he got a face-full of a dropping T.J. Watt on another. Lamar Jackson also threw a horrific end-zone interception late, but be sure: This was a game the Ravens should have won by double-digit points, and the play of their wideouts is the biggest reason they didn't.

The Likely End of Matt Milano’s Season: The Bills defense had been clicking the past couple weeks, but the injuries are piling up. Milano is probably the most indispensable player on that side of the ball — the pressure is going to be on this offense to put up 30 points on a regular basis.

Those Broncos Uniforms: What we’re going for is, Imagine they sold Tampa Bay Bucs creamsicle throwbacks at Dollar General. You know, right between the Adudas four-stripe sneakers and Malibu Bonnie dolls…

CBS’s Parade of Ill-Informed Former Giants: After Breece Hall’s long touchdown run, Tiki Barber claimed Hall was “not a 4.4 guy.” Which is technically true — Hall ran a 4.39. Between that and Phil Simms complimenting Russell Wilson’s arm after a half in which Wilson’s average depth of target was 0.6 yards (you read that correctly, Wilson threw the ball, on average, six-tenths of a yard beyond the line of scrimmage in the first half on Sunday, and Simms said, “Wow, that arm talent!”), the Broncos-Jets game cause all sorts of problems for CBS’s talent. Looking forward to Victor Cruz swinging by next week to break down Jordan Davis, the Eagles' undersized defensive tackle.

The Moments We’ll Tell Our Grandkids About

The Time De’Von Achane Got This Running Lane: 

Lions Flea Flicker: The only play referenced in The Constitution. (It’s in there, not in explicit terms, but it’s in there)...

Zach Wilson Is One Cool Customer: Perhaps a little too cool... Or perhaps he doesn’t realize that clock counts back toward zero (like, he thought it was similar to soccer and he had 14 minutes and 45 seconds left in the half — plus injury time — before this play started?).

The Things We’ll Be Talking About This Week

Obits for the Belichick Era: As respected private citizen Mike Tanier wrote a few days ago, when it comes to transitioning to a post-Belichick era everything is easier said than done. Whether they move on from Belichick or not, the Patriots need someone in that building capable of identifying dynamic weapons to add to this offense, and offensive linemen who fit their desired metamorphosis into a zone-heavy running scheme. It doesn’t matter if next year’s starting quarterback is Mac Jones or not; no one is succeeding in Foxboro until the supporting cast looks like something from 2023, not 2003.

Bryce Young’s Interceptions: You know what? It’s really not a problem. It’s not good, and people who consume their football solely via social-media highlights will lose their minds over the Aidan Hutchinson interception which is just a smart and athletic play by a smart and athletic lineman. But on Young’s first interception, he was simply late on a Cover-2 hole shot, which he’ll learn can’t happen (Trevor Lawrence had a couple of those as a rookie!). The good thing is that Young is still showing some aggressiveness as a passer. Carolina equipped him with the NFL’s meekest collection of weapons. It would make some young quarterbacks overly risk-averse, a much bigger problem than an unsightly interception total in a rebuilding year. Fortunately, that hasn’t been the case with Young. 

Contract the Broncos: They play embarrassingly, they coach embarrassingly, they dress embarrassingly. No one will miss this team.