Breast Cancer Warriors Celebrate Their Victories by Showcasing Confidence, Giving Others Support Online

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and though the disease is prevalent, it accounts for one of the most commonly diagnosed cancers in the world. Overall, healthy women are still diagnosed with the unrelenting disease.

Genetic testing and breast examinations can make a world of a difference in preventing the disease, but many young, active, and overall healthy women still find themselves living with the unrelenting sickness. 

While survival is the number one priority for these women, the depletion of confidence from losing hair, undergoing mastectomies, and other physical losses creates a colossal emotional burden on women. 

About one in eight women will be diagnosed with invasive breast cancer in their lives, according to BreastCancer.org. Support systems, hobbies, therapy, and self-care have helped these women come to terms with the scariest possible outcomes in life. 

Three women who are all at different stages in their breast cancer journeys spoke to The Messenger. These conversations revealed that though everyone’s battle with cancer varies, there is an array of practices and tools women can use to regain their confidence before, during, and after their tremendous fights. 

Deztanity Williams: 'Oh, You're Fine, You're Healed,' Life Should Be Great and Good, but It Doesn't Happen Like That."

Deztanity Williams, 32, was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer in May 2022 after she went to her gynecologist and reported having some irregularities with one of her nipples. She said her doctor chalked it up to chaffing from William’s intense workout schedule, as she did CrossFit seven times a week.

After she went in to get her intrauterine device checked a few months later, her nipple was completely inverted, “I no longer had a nipple,” she said.

The doctor scheduled Williams for ultrasounds and MRIs, which revealed stage three breast cancer. Williams started chemotherapy treatments a month later. She was scheduled to endure six treatments but only did five as she had an extremely adverse reaction to the chemotherapy. She even fainted one time at the dinner table with her family, causing panic and worry until she luckily woke up. 

Right before her second chemo treatment, Williams said her hair began to fall out. Because her doctor assured her she wouldn't lose hair until the third treatment, Williams said she was devastated. 

“I was just terrified. I didn't want to comb my hair. I was anticipating having a few months before I was to lose my hair and it was just devastating. I was just really in shambles,” she recalled. “I've always been into fashion, [and] beauty things, and my hair was a big part of that, so to lose that was like losing a part of myself.”

Because of the hot flashes from the early onset menopause caused by the chemo, Williams didn’t want to wear a wig. She said she opted to wear hats most of the time, as she didn’t like the attention she received when she went out in public bald. 

Williams said she was insecure about looking sick.

“It left me with a lot of insecurity of like, ‘I look sick now not having hair,”’ she shared. “And at the time, I had to wear a mask all the time. So a bald girl with a mask on, like, you look sick.” 

In order to stay afloat during her treatments, she said she did her makeup and skincare routines to embrace the feminity that the cancer was trying to take away. She said she also often got her nails done, which her nail tech was gentle with as the chemo was making her nails fall off. 

“I tried to keep all of my girly things that I did beforehand,” she said. 

She went through 25 radiation treatments and had her right breast removed. Now cancer-free, she said she’s been meeting with her plastic surgeon to get implants in both of her breasts. 

She shared that something as simple as watching her favorite Netflix shows or cooking for herself when she felt up to it helped her to feel like herself. 

Her family, her husband, and her TikTok community — who she shared nearly every step of her journey with — are huge supporters who help her through the daily hardships, she said. 

Williams also runs a website where she provides breast cancer survivor merchandise along with journals where women, especially breast cancer patients, can write down their feelings and complex emotions. Williams said journaling helps her immensely as she navigates post-cancer life. 

“Nobody talks about what happens after you finish all the treatment and you finish with cancer," Williams said. “It’s like, ‘Oh, you're fine, you're healed,’ life should be great and good, but it doesn't happen like that.”

Kim Vandermeer Cut Her Hair When Treatments Began So Losing Her Strands From Chemo Wouldn't Come as a Huge Shock

Kim Vandermeer, 40, is now undergoing strenuous chemotherapy treatments and will receive a double mastectomy afterward. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in April 2023 after her first annual mammogram exam. Like Williams, she never expected to get cancer as she lived a healthy and active lifestyle. 

“It was the furthest thing on my mind. And then when I got my biopsy results back [in June 2023] — it was a very surreal moment,” she recalled. 

Vandermeer had a two-centimeter mass and her surgeon recommended a lumpectomy to remove the malignant tumor. They were able to remove the mass, but there was remaining cancerous tissue so she underwent two additional surgeries. The surgeons were able to remove all the cancer cells, but her doctors recommended she go through chemo because there was a high risk of reoccurrence. 

Vandermeer was told she would have to endure four rounds of chemo every three weeks. She has completed two of the rounds and has her third treatment tomorrow. Knowing she would lose her hair through chemo, she opted to use Paxman Scalp Cooling, a cooling cap her oncologist recommended that is worn during chemotherapy treatments to help prevent hair loss. 

“I wanted to honestly try anything and everything to preserve as much hair as I could. Hair was just really important to me and it still is really part of my identity, she said. “I honestly just took a lot of pride in my hair as well. I had it down to my waist and that was probably my favorite physical feature about myself.”

Vandermeer said she decided to cut her hair to her chin two weeks before chemo so that when she did eventually lose her hair, it wouldn’t come as a huge shock. She’s hoping the Paxman system will help her keep her hair but even if she loses most of it, she’s been told that the technology helps preserve hair follicles. 

On day 23 of her treatment plan, Vandermeer said she lost about 30-40% of her hair. She said she has a large bald spot on the back of her head, but she plans to cover it with a wig topper after she completes chemotherapy. 

As Vandermeer navigates the harsh effects of treatment, she said she continues to go on long walks every day if she feels well enough, attempting to get in 10,000 steps a day. She also said getting together with her friends and taking one day at a time has helped her emotional state throughout her diagnosis. Additionally, her husband has been her biggest supporter and often gets her little treats after chemo or takes her shopping when she feels up for it. 

Karen Isbister Asked Her Mom to Shave Her Head: 'I Think That Once It Was Done...Okay, It's Over.'

In April 2020, Karen Isbister, 40, was celebrating her sister’s birthday with a hike. Her sister shared her birthday with their late grandfather and that night, Isbister said she had an uncanny dream where her grandfather was holding her hand. 

She said the dream felt so real that she jolted up in bed at around 11:30 p.m. and felt an intense itch below her breastbone and also felt a large lump and panicked immediately. She said she was also experiencing pain in her arm on the same side of her body. 

“The first night when I felt the lump, I was planning my funeral in my head, she said. “That's how scared I was. I was like, ‘Oh God, I'm dying. This is it.’”

After a few days, Isbister was able to be seen by her doctor, whom she’d seen since 18 years old. Her doctor knew something was wrong and ordered Isbister to get an ultrasound and MRI that Friday. Reluctant to go that day because she had a first date with her husband, it was at that appointment that she knew she had cancer. 

After a biopsy and pathology tests, her assumptions were confirmed — stage 1B cancer — and it was progressing rapidly. In September 2019, she had a breast examination done by her primary care doctor — no lump in sight. 

In July 2020, she started four rounds of adriamycin cyclophosphamide (AC) chemotherapy and four rounds of Taxol chemotherapy. Her doctors told her because of her age and her good health, they were going to give her the harshest rounds of chemotherapy they knew she could endure. 

After those treatments, Isbister received 33 rounds of radiation and now takes a pill that keeps estrogen out of the body which she’ll have to take for 10 years, which puts her in menopause. 

As Isbister was emotionally and physically drained throughout her treatment, she said she experienced many emotions. She said she felt guilty for feeling sorry for herself because her cancer could be worse. But also felt grateful that her sickness wasn’t worse. Simultaneously, she felt jealous of people having children as she always wanted children but knew she could no longer give birth. 

Of course, she was also terrified that she wouldn’t survive. But she said she also felt proud of herself for getting through the grueling process of cancer treatments. 

Additionally, she struggled with feelings about her physical appearance. 

“I felt vain. I feel guilty about feeling vain because I'm like of all the things, I'm upset about losing my hair. I'm gonna be bald and that's all I can think about right now.” 

The anxiety leading up to her losing her hair was the worst part Isbister said. 

“Like in the movies, I wash my hair and it started coming out in clumps and I just lost it. I was bawling. I was by myself. I lived alone. I was just, like, crying and crying," Isbister recalled. "I texted my mom: ‘Can you please come over and shave my head?’ She came over and shaved it."

In order to feel more confident about her hair loss, Isbister said she cut her hair in cute pixie cuts, wore head scarves, and tried to embrace each step in the hair growth process. 

"Then I think that once it was done, it was like okay it’s over," she said.

Alike the two other women, she said her husband was her biggest supporter. 

“He was with me from the beginning and loved my bald head and loved me no matter what,” she shared. 

Just like Williams, Isbister said an often overlooked part of the cancer process is what happens after treatment is over. She said she too felt lost as she had to adapt to a new person. She said the trauma and adrenaline likely caused her to forget many parts of her journey. 

“You have to get your support group to understand that now that you're done with treatment is when you need them the most,” Isbister said. “Because everybody around you is going to think ‘Awesome, you made it. Things are over and you're good right.’  And that’s not the case. Now is the time when it's going to hit you. You're gonna realize you just went through cancer and treatment and now you're gonna wake up and be like, ‘Oh s—t, this is real.’”

The Women Share Their Post-Cancer Battle Advice: 'I'm Different Because Now My Body Is Different'

The three women shared some advice for those going through life as a cancer patient and post-cancer life. 

Williams said finding your place in the world post-cancer can be extremely difficult. She said journaling and sharing her story online has helped immensely. 

“I’m different because now my body is different. My hair is different," Williams said. "You kind of gotta find your place in the world and find what that looks like, what kind of woman do you want to be now?” 

“The advice that was given to me when I started chemotherapy was to celebrate every small win," Vandermeer advised. "I know it's hard because it's very overwhelming, but really try to be intentional of taking this one day at a time.” 

“Ask people to help you. I had a really hard time asking for help. I needed help mowing my lawn," Isbister said. "I needed help doing my dishes because I couldn't get off the couch sometimes. So just just ask people for help.”