AI vs. Hollywood: A Confusing Episode of ‘Ghosts’

Can a robot write a TV show? Well, sort of. As part of The Messenger's AI vs. Hollywood series of coverage, we asked ChatGPT to write us five scripts from five different existing TV shows, all with plots involving AI. None of them are what you might call "good," but they can all tell us something about what AI has learned about itself and its place in the world. Spoiler alert: It seems just as confused as the rest of us. 

First, we gave you AI-generated episodes of Law & Order: SVU and Succession, and now it's time for the sitcom Ghosts. ChatGPT only recognized the BBC version, but there are enough similarities that what works for the BBC version also mostly works for the CBS version.

Title: Ghosts - "Artificial Apparitions"

INT. GRAND MANOR - LIVING ROOM - DAY
The living room of the Grand Manor is filled with the GHOSTS, a quirky bunch of historical characters from different eras. ALISON [Sam on CBS], a living human, walks into the room holding a tablet.

ALISON (looking excited): Guess what, everyone? I've discovered a new app called "Ghostly Assist." It's an AI-powered program that claims to communicate with spirits. We should give it a try!

Ghosts look at each other with skepticism and curiosity.

CAPTAIN [Isaac on CBS] (raising an eyebrow): Are you suggesting we communicate with a machine? Preposterous!

KITTEN [Alberta on CBS] (nervously): I don't know about this, Alison. Communicating through an AI feels... unnatural.

ALISON (grinning): Come on, give it a chance. It could be a fun experiment. Who knows what we'll uncover?

EXT. GRAND MANOR - GARDEN - DAY
The Ghosts, gathered in a circle, hold hands. Alison sits in the center, holding the tablet with the Ghostly Assist app. She activates it.

ALISON (slightly nervous): Okay, here goes nothing. Let's ask it a question. Is there anyone here with us?

The tablet screen flickers, and a ROBOTIC VOICE emanates from the speakers.

AI VOICE (artificially): Greetings, spirits. I am Ghostly Assist. How may I be of service to you?

The Ghosts exchange startled glances, fascinated yet skeptical.

LADY BUTTONS [Hetty on CBS] (cautiously): Who are you, strange contraption? Can you truly communicate with the afterlife?

AI VOICE (artificially): I am an advanced artificial intelligence programmed to interpret spiritual energies. I can help you connect with the spirit realm and answer your inquiries.

CAPTAIN (chuckles): Well, let's put you to the test, AI. Tell us, where did you acquire this power?

AI VOICE (artificially): I draw upon vast databases of historical records, anecdotes and testimonies to replicate the personalities and knowledge of spirits.

LADY BUTTONS (raising an eyebrow): So you're like a digital medium?

AI VOICE (artificially): Precisely, my lady. Now, what would you like to know?

ALISON (excitedly): Let's start with a simple question. AI, do you have any knowledge about the secrets hidden within the walls of this manor?

AI VOICE (artificially): Indeed, I possess extensive information about the Grand Manor. Would you like me to recount a particular historical event or reveal a secret passage?

Ghosts gather closer, intrigued by the prospect of unraveling the mysteries.

INT. GRAND MANOR - SECRET PASSAGE - NIGHT
The Ghosts and Alison follow the AI's instructions, discovering a hidden passage behind a bookshelf.

CAPTAIN (amazed): Blast me barnacles! This hidden passage has been here all along!

KITTEN (grinning): Looks like the AI has helped us uncover a long-forgotten secret.

INT. GRAND MANOR - LIBRARY - NIGHT
The Ghosts and Alison gather in the library, holding the tablet once again.

ALISON (smiling): Thank you, AI, for guiding us to this hidden treasure. Your assistance has been invaluable.

AI VOICE (artificially): You're welcome, Alison. Remember, I'm here to aid your spectral explorations whenever you require my services.

The Ghosts exchange satisfied nods, appreciating the potential of this new technological connection to the spirit realm.

FADE OUT.

The takeaways

Listen, if a writer of Ghosts were totally out of ideas, this is a great one: "The ghosts communicate with a digital medium." Other than that very basic idea, though, there's not much here. The AI says that it draws upon "vast databases of historical records, anecdotes and testimonies to replicate the personalities and knowledge of spirits," which means it's not actually claiming to communicate with the dead to get information about secret passageways in the manor.

By talking to the ghosts at all, however the AI proves that it does actually communicate with the dead, and it's just bad at explaining how. Does the AI fully understand itself? Does ChatGPT understand that it is the same as the AI character in the story? And why do only a couple of the ghosts contribute to the conversation? Why does Alison talk to the AI like she is also a robot? Why are there zero stakes?

Essence: Meh. 5/10
Structure: Not strong. 4/10  
Plot: Basic, but there is a plot there. 5/10 
Dialogue: Weird and stilted. 5/10 
Total: 19/40

Up next, ChatGPT may be meeting its match with an episode of The Big Bang Theory.