Adam Sandler’s Kids Were Cast in ‘Bat Mitzvah’ Movie Before He Was, Says Director (Exclusive)

You know the only thing better than directing Adam Sandler? Directing four Sandlers!

Filmmaker Sammi Cohen, 35, had that unforgettable experience with Netflix's new film, You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah. Produced by Sandler and based on Fiona Rosenbloom's book of the same name, Bat Mitzvah stars the legendary comedian's youngest daughter Sunny as 13-year-old Stacy Friedman, who is determined to have the bat mitzvah to end all bat mitzvahs. But middle school drama suddenly threatens her big night and her relationship with longtime best friend Lydia (Samantha Lorraine). Starring alongside Sunny are her big sister Sadie as Stacy's older sibling Ronnie, her mother Jackie as Lydia's mom, and her father Adam as the Friedman patriarch Danny (his Uncut Gems wife Idina Menzel joins him as the Friedman matriarch).

"It's such a cheesy thing to say, but I had the best time getting to work with them and know them as people," Cohen says of the next generation of Sandlers. "It was really amazing to watch them come to life onscreen because there's just these breathtaking moments of very real drama, very heavy emotional stuff, and then comedic beats that just make me laugh my head off."

Ahead of Bat Mitzvah's Friday release on Netflix, we spoke to Cohen about wanting to tell a Jewish coming-of-age story, sneaking into bat mitzvahs as a teenager and getting to play ball with the Sandman.

When it first came your way, what most appealed to you about the possibility of making this film?

Sammi Cohen: What sucked me in were a few things: It's Sandler, a movie about bat mitzvahs and a movie about being Jewish. I was coming off of my first movie, Crush, and it was a coming-of-age queer movie that normalized and celebrated being queer. And when this came up, I went, "Oh my God, this is normalizing and celebrating being Jewish." With Sandler championing this young female-driven narrative about being Jewish, I immediately thought that it just had the reach to do so much good in the world, and so that really got me going.

The coming-of-age film has long been a popular genre but I'm not sure we've seen it through this particular lens.

Part of what drew me into this is it's so specifically about the Jewish experience. And so it was important to show all of these aspects, like the Hebrew school, the rabbi. But we're finding that it is resonating even more so than we thought because you also see just the general highs and lows of being 13. In our test screenings, we would hear things like, "We have something just like this," and I think that is what makes me happier than anything, where I'm like, "Oh, this has the ability to sort of bring people together and focus on what makes us the same." There are things that we all go through, and we roll our eyes at, or laugh at, or cry at.

What were your early conversations like with Adam? He's both a producer and an actor in the film, but I'm guessing he voluntarily took a bit of a backseat and was acting more as support for you and his daughters.

Well, at first, Sandler wasn't attached to be in the movie. The story was really important to him as a filmmaker and as someone who's Jewish, because, if you look back, that goes so deep in his body of work. But he was looking for a young Jewish director who could really relate to the story, the Jewishness, the kids, the culture, and how it needed to be told through a modern lens. And that was a lot of what we talked about early on. We sort of pinpointed Sixteen Candles — not the problematic parts — but the sort of John Hughes-era of making movies for kids that sounded like real kids and normalized just being a teenager.

So we talked a lot about influences, comedy stuff we loved, just the Jewish nature of it all, and how we wanted to approach this authentically but progressively. And that kind of started to inform casting and all of the choices, and then it became very clear that he was the right fit to play Danny Friedman. But I think it was important to him that he was really there to support the story—and it is Stacy's story. He's a savant, a mad genius, and he's not out there to go, "Look at me." He's out there to tell the best story and make the best movie.

While Adam wasn't always going to be in front of the camera, were Sunny and Sadie locked in from the start?

Yeah, they were, and what a perfect calling card. Sunny and Sadie, they're very different. They both are so good at what they do, and you can tell from this movie where they lean comedically. Sadie does the thing that I just always want to do, which is that dry, sardonic delivery; she's so natural and good at that. And then Sunny has a little bit more of the goofy Sandler in her. She feels very real but she's silly and has that kind of comedic string to pluck. But Sunny and Sadie were in from the beginning, and then we started to build from there. The focus was on the kids first, and we brought in the casting director from PEN15, because we wanted to find Jewish kids who were just really good, solid kids to round out the cast.

Sunny and Sadie have obviously been raised around this industry, and they've had small roles in some of their dad's previous films, but leading your own movie is a whole different beast. What was it like working so closely with the girls and watching them get more and more comfortable in their performances each day?

It's such a cheesy thing to say, but I had the best time getting to work with them and know them as people. They're clearly talented, and that was apparent immediately, even before started rehearsals. They bring a level of authenticity to the film that I think really sets it apart. Like, Adam as a dad and as a filmmaker, what a great thing to come from. But it was amazing because, like you said, he took a backseat onscreen, and he really let them do it and gave them room to grow. As a kid, I never worked half as hard as these kids work.

They're so dedicated to every part of this. Week one, we're making the movie, and they'll run up to me and go, "Wait, Sammi, what are we doing next? What shot are you doing? And then what are we doing for the rest of the scene, and how are you going to do it?" And I'd sort of walk them through it, like, "Oh, we're going to do this shot, and then this because of A, B, and C." The very last week, they'd still run up to me, but then they'd go, "Okay, so we're doing this and this and this, and then you're going to turn around and do coverage on them — but don't forget this!" So it was really amazing to watch them come to life onscreen because there's just these breathtaking moments of very real drama, very heavy emotional stuff, and then comedic beats that just make me laugh my head off. But I got a little teary watching them fall in love with the filmmaking process and how that supports what they're doing.

As someone who saw Uncut Gems three times in the theater, I was truly delighted to see Adam and Idina back as a married couple. How did that come about, and did they just fall right back into their comfort level with each other as friends and performers?

I learned a lot from Adam, but one thing that's clear is success is not just making movies — success is making movies with people you really love. And so he does work with people more than just once. Adam really loved working with Idina, and it's a testament to their natural chemistry. Adam was like, "Idina, I think she's a great fit," and I was like, "There's no question in my mind!" I joke that this is the prelude to Uncut Gems; it's the happy side of their onscreen marriage. They have such a familial chemistry that makes the film feel slice-of-life, and, with the girls, [Menzel] felt just like she fit right into this puzzle that we were putting together. I obviously love Uncut Gems, and the idea was funny to me, but I also went, 'This totally makes sense.' Idina and Adam just make me nostalgic for my own childhood, my own parents, and they feel so authentic. So it was kind of a no-brainer.

When "bat mitzvah" is in your title, you better deliver an epic bat mitzvah. And so was that type of thinking in your head as well? Like, "The whole movie is important, but we really need to nail everything about the actual bat mitzvah!"

A thousand percent. I'm from the Valley, and I went to a ton of bat and bar mitzvahs growing up, and we had some Jewish department heads who also had the same experience. When we shot the movie in Toronto, we had bat mitzvah consultants who plan the parties, so we had full access and we got to go to a bunch of these. The book was written in 2001, so everything about the movie is more progressive and of today. I was like, "What are kids wearing now? Is the music the same?" We wanted to make it feel fun and have the emotional resonance. But yeah, we did a lot of on-the-ground research — it was tough. No, it was the best. [Laughs.]

I think you might have your next movie right there. It's basically Wedding Crashers but bat mitzvahs.

It's funny you say that, because I grew up going to bat mitzvahs and then, in high school, I apparently didn't have enough. My best friend and I would crash bat mitzvahs at the Woodland Hills Marriott on weekends. We'd be like, "We're in 10th grade, we don't have anything to do, let's go crash a bat mitzvah." It was insane. But there probably is a movie there!

We were talking about our basketball fandoms before we started, and so now my No. 1 burning question is, did you get to play ball with the Sandman?

I did!

I'm officially jealous.

Yeah, it was the best. And I will say, he had a hip injury and he still kicked my ass. He is so good. We had a couple days where we got to play, but, when we were filming at the middle school, there was a court right there, and so when we had lunch or a break, we would hop over.

As if it wasn't cool enough that you're making an Adam Sandler movie, you're also balling with the internet's favorite baller.

But that's a testament to Sandler. Everything about the experience, it's just fun. The Sandler Effect is, you take a break and unwind with some hoops, and then you go back to work; it just makes everything about the movie better. I don't know how but it works its way into just the feeling of the movie.